The State of Actual Play Podcasts

I have been looking for an 'actual-play' 5E podcast to help me internalize the rules a little bit, and after many, many, many hours of listening to any I could find, I have come to a few conclusions. If you and your group are thinking about doing this and...
-can keep it under an hour
-can keep the players from trying to outdo each other in stupidity/bad humour for the sake of the mic.
-can keep the laughing to a minimum
-and have access to proper recording, mix and editing equipment
... then I say go for it!

It might seems simple enough list, but so far I've tried a dozen or so different podcasts and I'll take this opportunity to admit here that I'm hard of hearing. If your sound quality is terrible, I'm gone before the introduction by DM Mushmouth is over. And I swear by the golden crown of the Elven Empress herself, if I have to hear another damned first episode that is a 'new group that meets in a tavern and then tries to steal from the bartender and/or otherwise acts like homicidal lobotomy patients on bath-salts' one more time, I'm gonna gouge out my eardrums with an vorplal dagger.

Please understand, there is nothing wrong with playing like a group of homicidal, lobotomized bath-salt junkies - my own group is 6 teenage boys and believe me, its not that much of an exaggeration - but it does NOT make for good media.

Recommendations welcome ....

Sometimes You Use All The Hooks

Our Intrepid Party:
From L to R: Scruffy the Dragonborn Paladin, Grags the Half-Orc Fighter, Stephen the Hobb Bard, Peter the Thief, Harrod the Half-Elf Paladin and Azok the Dragonborn Barbarian. 

The characters names and pictures are not the ones the players are actually using, but since this not a strictly a private game between friends, I will have to to alter a few things.

*Ahem* THE FIFTH EDITION DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS CHARACTER CREATION SYSTEM IS ABSOLUTE GARBAGE. I got so fed up with flipping around in the PH trying to figure out what equipment the characters got during creation vs what they needed to buy that I abandoned the whole thing. Each PC got a starting weapon and armour of their choice, plus things like Thieves' Tools and instruments. What I may have to do is go through the PH for each individual character and make a list of what each character starts with. Lots of needless, detail oriented busy-work for the DM, just what every game needs.

But we finally managed to wind out way through the heaping piles of owlbear shit that they pass off as character creation (well over five hours spent on six characters) and we finally got into the game:

The moons were rising above the city of Carathon, the largest and oldest city in the Westlands when six young adventures arrived in port, each looking to make his fortune. Warned that the city Watch was hard on those who were out alone at night, they found themselves in a crowded tavern not far from the docks called the Storm Crow. The small space was already crowded when they entered and the each spent an hour or so leaning on the bar if they could, or standing awkwardly between the tables when they couldn't. When a large group exits the bar leaving a long table momentarily free, the six strangers each grab an empty chair, each unknowingly binding their destines to the others. Such is the way of  things, sometimes.

Scuffy the Paladin: A good natured fellow, who's greatest love comes from killing monsters.
Grags the Fighter: A strong, silent warrior, who's background and history has taught him caution and care.
Stephen the Halfling: Always looking for a good food, good wine and a chance at gold.
Peter the Thief: On the run from the Thieves' Guild, he is looking for a way out of the city.
Harrod the Paladin: Intelligent, observant and careful, he is always for as much information as he can find.
Azok the Barbarian: A wild and impulsive, but loyal and brave brute.

It began when a small figure brushes against the Peter, releaving him of his coins and a set of lock picks, but was spotted by the sharp-eyed bard who stopped the cutpurse with a well aimed Sleep spell (any patrons nearby who may have suddenly taken a quick nap could easily have been explained by an excess of alcohol).

The cutpurse was Chem the Gnome, who was deliberately trying to get caught and would have been if Peter's player hadn't rolled a 1 on his opposing Perception check. Luckily, the party didn't hurt the gnome and they woke him by emptying a beer over his face (after taking back the lost coins and items, plus any few extra coins that might have fallen out of the little thief's pockets when they were shaking him out). It was then that Chem was able to interest at least a few of the party members in his plan to break into a nearby Judge's house to steal the warrant of his friend, who is 'really, 100%, completely innocent, I swear'.

It was a this point that I realized that at least one of the Paladins was going to have a problem with this plan. He decided that he needed a second opinion about Chem and went to talk to the Dwarf bartender. Peter also got up and stalking stalking around the bar, looking for loose talk and loose purse strings.

Back at the table, Azok, Scales, Grags and Stephen were getting more details about the job, when a barefoot, young girl in sackcloth clothes and threadbare red blanket appears at the end of the table. 'Please sirs! My brother is gone. The monsters took him. They almost got me, I remember running away, but they were so fast sirs. Please help me. I can pay. I remember running away ....' she then dropped a coinpurse on the table.

Meanwhile, Harrod learned from the bartender that Chem is a career criminal and his 'friend' is worse. He also learned that the basement of the bar recently had an infestation of large spiders. For a few coins, the barkeep said that he would  appreciate if Harrod and a few others could go into the local sewers and clear out the crawlies.

At the same time, Peter struck up a conversation at the bar with Grixby, an apprentice warlock and amateur alchemist who was upset because something had stolen his master's Amulet of the Yellow Sign, needed for the upcoming lunar event known as the Chaos Configuration. He had traced the amulet to an nearby abandoned well nearby, but he did not want to enter the sewers alone, if at all.

Peter and Harrod each returned to the table at about the same time, when Peter asked about the coinpurse. The little girl had disappeared. Inside the coin purse were six old copper pennies. Just through the layers of heavy green patina, the coins are marked with sign of a crown. A King has not ruled in Carathon in 400 years.

Had four plot hooks to get the party into the sewers, ended up using three. Next week, Finally, monsters!

DMing on the Cheap

This whole set up cost me less than $20 at Staples, most of that on the poster map. It does help to have a mother who is a triftstore fiend. I've tasked her to keep an eye out for small plastic monsters (she is responsible for all the 3D pieces here except for the rubber insects that came from a dollarstore).

I have never, in 20+ years of gaming, ever used maps or minis. I tried my hand at painting minis a few years ago, and have exactly two that I'm proud of. But it always ended up feeling like such at time and money sink. I did once plan out a mountain-pass ambush on bristol board, but that has been it.

However, my 5th edition group responds well to visual and tactile stimulation, so I am going to try it this way. Took some internet art, scaled it using Excel and saved it as a pdf for printing. Yes, I am aware that I am violating a few copywrites, but its for charity/ personal use and I will not post the pdf sheets online.

One unexpected bonus was that while setting up for this picture, I also wrote the majority of my introductory sewer adventure. I know where the treasure and monsters are going to go and I just need to stat it out. Gotta remember to put in (and maybe print off) a few traps.

Things to Remember
-Foamboard backing is great for lie-down tokens, but terrible for Standees. I actually have proper plastic bases that I want to use, but they were too narrow for the foamboard. The butterfly clips keep the pieces up, but they also crush the foam. At least it didn't cost me anything, I grabbed the foamboard from a work clear-out- the-storeroom-day.

-I do need a better way to make the Standees. I printed them on Staples' cardstock, but they were still too thin for my bases. Need to find a happy medium.

-The players haven't picked character pics yet so I have to find a stand-ins for the first session. I was going to use the LEGO Heroica pieces (top right) but I don't have enough to go around, so I might just use something more basic like standard board game pieces. Next session I'll have Standees for each character.

Appendix N1/2
The four books holding down the four corners are:
Conan, The Sword of Skelos, by Andew Offutt. Bantam Press 1979
Vazkor, Son of Vazkor, by Tanith Lee. Daw 1978
Under The Green Star, by Lin Carter. Daw 1972
Assignment: Moon Girl, Edward S. Aarons. Fawcett Publications 1967

Plot Hook: Chim Cheree

A plot hook character and denizen of the Storm Crow Tavern. He doesn't really need stats, but I wanted the practice. I find the best way is to begin with the Background, then Race, then Class and only then do you roll for Stats. There are so many modifiers in the first few steps I found that you do a lot of erasing and recalculating if you roll them first. Equipment and Accouterments are determined last.

Chim Cheree

Chim is the leader of a local gang made up of gnomes and a few children who have dubbed themselves the Ash Hats. Their usual MO is to work as chimney sweeps and steal small items from their client's houses.  The Ash Hats want to official Thieves' Guild status, something that can only be done through sponsorship of an established member. A thug named Lugan has agreed to sponsor them if they sneak into the local Judge's house and steal a warrant made out in his name.

Chim is scanning the local bars for a group of low level (nood) characters to break into the basement of the Judge's home, hopefully making a lot of racket and leaving a lot of evidence in the process. Meanwhile the Hats plan on sneaking in through the chimney. He will introduce himself by deliberately getting caught while picking the pocket of the party's thief. He will then praise the thief's skill at catching him, and then dangle the deal if the party treats him fairly. And who knows? If the party is successful at stealing the warrant, he might even honour his half of the bargain (100gp and his sponsorship if he gets into the Guild).

3rd Level Forest Gnome Thief, CG
Background Urchin                                   STR: 12/1
Personality: Doesn't like to bathe                 DEX: 17/+3*
Ideal: We take care of each other, because   CON: 14/2
           no one else will                               INT: 16/+3*
Bond: The Ash Hats (gang)                   WIS: 17/+3
Flaw: Will run from a fight                           CHA: 15/2
Spd: 25' Size: Small 3', 35lbs                       *Saving Throw Proficiencies
Hp: 24 AC: Unarmoured 13, Armoured 14
Proficiency: 2/4 Expertise*e
Innate Abilities
-Darkvision 60' p
-Cunning: Advantage on all INT, WIS and CHA saving throws v magic
-Illusion Cantrip - cast by INT
-Speak to small animals
-Expertise @ 1 and 6th level.
-Sneak Attack: add 2d6 damage to any successful attack you had Advantage.
 Or finesse weapon but not if at Disadvantage
-Thieves' Cant
  Ash Hats signs and general
-Cunning Action Combat: Dash, Disengage, Hide only
-Fast Action: Can use Cunning Action for any DEX roll/skill.
 Can also use Thieves' Tools, or another object as bonus action.

Skill Proficiencies:
-Slight of Hand -Stealth
-Persuasion*e -Acrobatics
-Insight -Investigation

Item Proficiencies
-Disguise Kit -Thieves Kit*e
-Light Armor -Simple Weapons
-Hand Crossbows -Short Sword
-Rapier -Longswords

Equipment
-Short Sword
-Short Spear
 (disguised as brushes)
-Leather Armour
-Thieves' Tools (3)

Accoutrements Lucre: 130L
Chimmeny Sweep Pack (brushes etc)
Small knife
Map of city/clients
A small coop of pigeons - Van Dyke is his favourite
Sweep Brushes
Belt pouch (full of stones - carries money in his hat)

Planes of Existence

The planes of existence in my fantasy world, with no Heavenly or Unholy dimensions. Law and Chaos along the Z axis. 

COSMIC REALM!

DREAM REALM!

MATERIAL PLANE!

PLANE OF FIRE!

PLANE OF EARTH!

PLANE OF WATER!

PLANE OF AIR!

DIGITAL DOMAIN!

QUANTUM REALM!

Dungeon Master's Screen for D&D5 & a Couple of Other Linky Dinks

5th Ed DM Screen: This will save me a lot of time! I would like to credit the author, 'Fitz'.

The Monster Menu - ever wonder what the creatures in the original Monsters Manual taste like? Well wonder no longer.

An archive of early internet AD&D netbooks. Yes, kids. This is what the internet was like before you were born.

Dyson's Dodecahedron. I cannot emphasize enought how excellent this site is for people (like me) who are not great at maps. Patreon them today!

Hacking 5th Ed.

A couple of rule changes/notes for my 5th ed game.
Initiative
With 6 or 7 players plus the DM, tracking individual initiatives each round is going to be a real pain in the ass. Instead, each round the DM will roll for the opponent with the highest Initiative only, while each of the player's will roll for their character. The highest roll goes first, and then we will just go clockwise around the table.
Monster StatBlocks
As written, the monster block stats in 5 are fine for a write-up, but to bulky for in-game notes. If I'm running more than one kind of monster I don't want to have to flip back and forth in the MM for every different attack. So I've compressed it down to a simpler block of stats, and combined it with my idea of a Combat Chart (basically, roll to determine what attack the monster will use each round instead of 'round counting' which is absolute least favorite part of rpging. DMs can choose a specific attack instead of rolling.).

XP is divided equally between all characters who participated in the combat, with any remainder going to the PC who delivered the killing blow.
ANKHEG
Large, Monstrosity
AC: 14 (11 if prone) STR 17/3
Initiative: 0 DEX 11/0
Speed: 30' (burrow 10') CON 13/1
Senses: Darkvision 60', p                 INT 1/-5
            tremor-sense 60', p              WIS 13/1
XP: 450                                       CHA 6/-2
Combat Chart (d6)
1-4 Bite,  ToHit 5. Dam 2d6+3 slashing plus d6 acid.
If target is Large or Smaller then target is Grappled (DC13). Until Grapple ends, has Advantage on target.
5-6 Acid Spray, ToHit 3, 3d6 Damage
Range: Line, 30' long and 5' wide.
Dex Save 13 for half. Cannot spit acid if Grappling.
HP: 39/6d10+6

I Have No Idea What I'm Doing ....

I'm delighted to divulge that I am DMing a bi-weekly 5th ed game at my local comic-book store for six young adults, all on the Autism spectrum (there may be a seventh as well, but they will be another volunteer to help wrangle the kids). In a nutshell, we want to help them with the concepts of teamwork, communication, and character development, all the things that RPGs are great at. I consider myself extremely lucky. Not only am I volunteering for a great cause, but I get to do it with a group of kids who are, for the most part, experiencing Roleplaying for the first time ever. But I have to confess that I initially signed up just so that I'd have a regular game to go to.

So far we've had one session, where we attempted character creation. Is it just me or are the 5th Edition rules for Character Creation a bloody mess? There is nothing linear about that process and as a result it takes a lot longer than it should. In two hours we didn't get to Backgrounds, Equipment or Spells. They didn't even get a chance to name their characters.

So far we have:
- Dragonborn Paladin
- Half-Elven Paladin
- Half-Orc Barbarian
- Human Thief
- Halfling Bard
- Dragonborn Barbarian (the player wanted a 'Suli', which was a race I hadn't heard of. I've since found it and will allow it if he still wants it, though I'm putting him down as a 'tiefling/changeling'' for the game.)

No magic-users and no cleric. Nevertheless, the Fighter can heal himself, and the Paladins can lay on hands, and I'm stacking the first tavern with an apprentice alchemist for potions. The lack of a mage is gonna hurt them down the line tho, and they'll appreciate Clerics a lot more the first time I throw undead at them. Maybe the second volunteer will pick up the slack (right now we have the actual volunteer coordinator sitting in, but not playing).

One of the things I had to agree to when I took the job was that the play-realm could not have gods of any kind. There are a lot of good reasons for things, but I'm not discussing them here. Either way, after a bit of consideration, I'm going with a Law vs Chaos scenario, with mythic heroes, Lovecraftian cosmic monsters, ancient A.I.s, and powerful extra-planar beings from different dimensions/planes, but no actual deities of any kind. Paladins serve Law, as do Clerics when they aren't being other things. Crusaders of Chaos and Cultists devote themselves to the other side of that great coin.

I'm not setting the game in any set specific world, just yet anyway. So far I have a generic Sanctuary/ Lankmar/ City State of the Invincible Overlord-esque city called Carathon for them to explore; ancient, sprawling and situated along the banks of a large river. That city in turn, is ruled by three factions. First, there is the Imperial Duke who rules the whole island on behalf of the Elven Empress in  her forests across the sea. Then there is the Citadel, which represents the City Council and its Guilds. And finally, by the Courts of Law, which look down over the rest of city from the low, looming mountain known as Judgement Hill.

The Player Characters' journey begins in ancient tavern called 'Storm Crow' (named after a bar in Vancouver whose menus I stole to make my DM screen). A chance empty table will provide the necessary beginnings to bring them all together. Depending on what happens next, they can take Coaltooth the Barkeep's offer of a job cleaning out an old cellar in exchange for a free meal and a bed (the booze is not included). They can talk to the apprentice Warlock who is out looking for his Master's amulet. They can be hired by a local thief into taking a job going threw the sewers to break into a rich merchant's house, or they be visited by the ghost of a dead matchstick girl who gives them each a cursed penny that will haunt them unless they find out what happened to her baby brother.

Either way, I'm starting them off with a quick dungeon crawl to show them how the rules work, and that's all I'm putting together now.

What comes after that? I have no idea, but I figure they have four basic options: They can continue to explore the city. They can continue to explore the ruins under the city. They can leave the city and explore the surrounding territory by land. Or finally, they can board a ship at the docks and see the world that way. It was a deliberate choice on my part to keep it opened ended. Wherever the kids end up, they will get there because of the decisions they make together, not because I shove them there for the sake of my story. I first ran across this GMing concept/method not so long ago through a podcast (no idea which one) and it was honestly a revelation. I've never run a game like that before. In the past I've had to ad-lib or modify my plots a lot, but I always essentially railroaded my players into a plot, or a situation and even a resolution that I had planned out weeks in advance. But RPGs aren't novels, or even movies. They are an evolving thing with a live story made by people making decisions, not because some storyteller wants the plot to make narrative sense. Life doesn't make one lick of narrative sense, why should your game? And besides these are teenagers, I don't think I'm going to have too hard of a time getting their PCs into trouble.

In the time between games, I'll figure out what the NPCs and Big Bad were up to behind the scenes and ready a few possible encounters. Then there is nothing to do but find out what happens next.

The Random Life: Embarrassing Archaeology

Cracked article about 'embarrassing' archaeological finds contains some interesting stuff to add to a 'Random Items/Search the Room' table.

Either a very disturbing find, or a very useful one, depending on how
deep in the dungeon you are and how many supplies you have left. 

1st Thoughts on a 5th Edition

Its a combination of Talislanta (positive and negative stats) and T.W.E.R.P.S. (resolution is stat plus dice-roll). I can run this.

Part of me is a bit sad that it has moved so far away from Gary and Dave's original vision, but kids today aren't interested in the fiddledyness of  re-purposed war-gaming rules. I wasn't, that is why I gravitated to systems like D6 (Star Wars), Omni (Talislanta) and Tri-Stat (BESM) in the first place.

Its only in my old-man grognard phase that am I learning to appreciate those older games and rulesets. D&D might be moving with the times (which is good) but I'm also thrilled that OSR is also thriving. In this day and age, its nice to get what you want without having to compromise.

Revenge of the Expedition to the Barrier Peaks. Or, how did your game go?

Set up was great, but couldn't stick the landing. For reasons that included a drug deal, a rooftop chase in the dark, one kicked-in door, an incontinent doberman and the most poorly planned roadwork in any city east of Montreal, I was almost half an hour late. At which point everyone had already picked a game and I was in no state to play a pity character at someone else's table. So instead I went home, took an Ativan and passed out for six hours.

I'm trying not to look at it as a setback. The planning alone made me think about Dungeons and Dragons in a way I hadn't before. I did a lot of reading and listened to a lot of podcasts, and I think I have a better understanding of the game than I've ever had. Even back when I used to run weekly games.

I also get to finally turn my attention to 5th edition in readiness for my new game which begins in less than two weeks. Since I do not know the people I'll be playing with, I don't want to do too much preparation. I think I'll begin with a basic premise, like kill the spiders under the tavern and see where it goes from there. I'm not even sure if I'll work in an established world like the Forgotten Realms or Krynn, or see if we make up our own world as we go. I'm honestly fine with either and am quite excited to see what direction we ultimately head.

Then there is all that that writing I did for what I've come to call 'Revenge of Expedition to the Barrier Peaks'. I'll certainly cannibalize the hell out of it, but I sucks that I'll never get the chance to run it as written. I'm still keen on writing a version 'Expedition to the Final Frontier', but after doing all those Lab-Lord stats blocks for REBP, I honestly think I'd rather write 'Final Frontier' for T.W.E.R.PS. Trek.